Acceptance and Commitment Therapy
They don’t come in asking for Acceptance and Commitment Therapy.
They come in saying:
"I'm in my head all day." "I don't trust myself." "Something feels off and I can't figure it out."
And they're usually right.
Sometimes it's showing up in their relationships or sex, where they feel themselves pulling back. Sometimes they’re overthinking decisions and can’t land. Sometimes it's just a constant low-level unease they can't shake.
They want to feel more present, more connected, more like themselves.
When your mind gets loud enough, your life starts getting smaller. Your relationship gets smaller. Your range gets smaller. Your world tightens.
What Is Acceptance and Commitment Therapy?
Acceptance and Commitment Therapy is a practical, evidence-based approach that helps you stop being controlled by your thoughts and feelings so you can actually live your life.
Your mind is going to think. Your body is going to react. ACT teaches you how to notice what's happening internally, make space for uncomfortable thoughts and emotions, and act based on your values instead of your fears.
The Six Core Processes of ACT
There is a structure underneath the work
1. Acceptance
Allowing thoughts, emotions, and body sensations to be there without fighting them or shutting down.
2. Cognitive Defusion
Stepping back from your thoughts instead of getting pulled into them.
3. Present Moment Awareness
Coming back into your actual experience instead of living in your head.
4. Self-as-Context
Accessing the part of you that can notice everything without getting lost in it.
5. Values
Getting clear on who you want to be in your relationships and your life.
5. Committed Action
Taking real steps in that direction even when it’s uncomfortable.
Where This Shows Up
In relationships — when you start pulling back instead of leaning in.
In couples work — when one of you shuts down and the other chases.
In sex — when your body tightens, you disconnect, or you start thinking instead of feeling.
In your own mind — when you get stuck looping, analyzing, searching for certainty.
What We Actually Do in ACT Therapy
We sit down and slow things down. Not to overanalyze. Not to fix everything. Just to see clearly what's happening.
A thought shows up. A feeling follows. Your body tightens. You pull back.
Maybe it happens in a conversation. Maybe during intimacy. Maybe right when things start to feel close.
That moment right there — that's where ACT happens.
You feel anxious → you stay instead of pulling away
You notice your body tightening → you stay present instead of disconnecting
A thought shows up → you notice it instead of chasing it
You feel unsure → you still act in line with your values
You still have thoughts. You still feel anxiety. But you're not stuck in it.
You're more present in your relationships. More available in your body. More able to stay when things get real. You trust yourself more. You show up more. Your life starts opening back up.
A Real Example
She walks in put-together. Confident. The kind of woman who commands a room without trying.
Early 30s. Nurse practitioner. Sharp mind, steady hands — people trust her with the hard stuff at work and lean on her everywhere else too.
From the outside, her life looks exactly the way it's supposed to. Good relationship. Career she's earned. An apartment that finally feels like hers.
But she says:
"I don't feel settled." "I keep questioning everything." "I don't know if I'm making the right decisions."
She describes a moment with her partner. Things are good — easy, even. Then suddenly, a shift. Tightness in her chest. Her body pulls back slightly. A thought moves through her: "What if this isn't right?"
Usually she handles it the way she handles everything — she analyzes. Replays the conversation. Searches for the angle she missed. Or she goes quiet. Still present in the room, but somewhere else entirely.
Instead, we slow it down.
"What just happened?"
She notices it in real time — the thought, the pull in her body, the urge to retreat. We don't rush to fix it. We stay with it.
That's the work.
How ACT Therapy with Avi Anderson Works
I don't teach ACT like a class. We do it in real time.
We slow down moments as they're happening and work right there. You start noticing: "This is where I spiral. This is where I shut down. This is where I disconnect."
Once you can see it, you have more choice in how you respond.
Sometimes we bring in parts work to understand the different sides of you that show up — the part that wants closeness, and the part that pulls away. We don't get rid of those parts. We change your relationship to them. That's where Internal Family Systems (IFS) comes in.
We also include your body in the work, because a lot of this isn't just thinking — it's felt. Learning to stay present in your body, especially in moments of stress, conflict, or intimacy, is a big part of the shift.
And we get clear on something most people avoid: Who do you want to be? As a partner. As a parent. As a person. That becomes the anchor. Then we practice showing up that way — not when it's easy, but when it's uncomfortable. That's where change actually happens.
Related Work
If these feelings are showing up in your relationship, ACT therapy can play an important role in the broader work of couples therapy.
If you want to go deeper into parts work, ACT therapy can be paired with Internal Family Systems (IFS).
Let’s get started.
If this sounds like you, reach out. We'll slow it down, figure out what's happening, and get to work.